I am really excited. I got to go out tonight. It doesn't happen that often so I really enjoy it when it does. I am really excited because I am starting to feel my workouts paying off. It is nice to be able to dance and not get tired out easily.
Well... I think that I might have mentioned on here that the last time I went out, there is a guy that I have known for a while and I got him number. Well over the matter of a week I sent hime a few text messages, called him once, and sent him one facebook message and never heard back from him. Well, he was there tonight and I talked to him a little bit and he told me that he never got any of it. I am really not sure with to believe him or not. Part of me really wants to but a big part of me thinks he's lying his ass off.
Anyway, I better get to bed. Goodnight you all.
AnnetteK

** As a warning this is going to be a long post!**

Today I made the mistake of watching not one but two Lifetime movies; the first being Mom At Sixteen and the second being The Pregnancy Pact. Well I should have known better than this since the first one was what had induced my emotional break down when I was twelve weeks pregnant with Eli.
Anyway it got me thinking about Eli and having him in the situation that I did. Even the way that I got pregnant with him. Of course all babies are conceived in the same way, but I was just a down right slut. And that is being the honest truth. I knew the guy that I was sleeping with already had a girlfriend and a baby on the way and I still proceded to sleep with him. And not just sleep with him but have him sneak around on his girlfriend. He would go drop her off at school and then come to my house and leave just in time to go pick her up. Then since we worked together I would have him say that he was working late and we would go screw around.
I guess that I shouldn't have been suprised at all at his reaction when I found out that I was pregnant. ("oh, ok, I have to think about it") I also should not have been suprised when he told me that he was choosing her over me. And I should not be suprised that he has not been there.
It also makes me think about if I made the right choice by keeping Eli. Now don't get me wrong I love my child with every microscopic cell of my body but I do wonder what things would be like now if I had given him up for adoption. Would I still be living at my parents? Would I still be in school? Would I have joined the military by now? Would I be married by now? Should I have waited? Would Eli have a better life?
But the reality is that I have a son and I love him. He is my world. Yes, I do still live with my parents. Yes, I am still in school. (Well, not this semester) Yes, I will most likely eventually join the militray; wither as an officer or enlisted is still unknown. Would I be any skinnier, ummmm.... probally not. Am I going to get married? I will when the time is right.
I have faith that God is in control of my life and He knows what is going to happen. I know that my actions and intentions when I got pregnant with Eli were wrong and I know that I do still owe ceratin people apologizes (I'll get to that in a minute).
Now for the apology: to the ceratin person that was with Eli's father at the time that I got pregnant. You know who you are and I am pretty sure that you read this
. I am really, really sorry. And I know that being sorry still does not make up for what happened or the way that I acted and the choices that I made, but I really am sorry. And I hope that this could be a step in the right direction for forgiveness.
No matter how much we want to pretend that things didn't happen. The fact is that we both still have children by the same person and these children are "half siblings". I hope that one day they will at least know each other.